The Good, The Bad, The Undecided!
We’ve all heard people say, “Good boys finish last”, “Bad girls have all the fun”, “Good girls like bad boys”, “Miss Goodie-two-shoes”, “No one likes a good boy” and I’ll add a couple of my own “Bad girls are more fun, good girls are for your mum”, “Bad boys make you weak at the knees and good boys are just weak”. They sound harsh, don’t they? Especially if you are a self-proclaimed good boy or a good girl! Growing up, we are all taught to be good. All our lives we strive to be good, but is this whole good boy-good girl thing all that it’s cracked up to be? Are we hiding our fears, insecurities, and, in general, a weak personality behind this good façade? Is the good boy-good girl image super uncool today? I couldn’t help but wonder, is bad the new word for ballsy and good a new word for, “I-need-to-be-in-bed-by-9pm”? Let’s dig deeper!
No matter how wild and 60’s-like our parents were in their time, when it came to children, they were mostly the same. They became over-protective, over-proper and over-conservative in their view of life and activities (with some exceptions, of course)! It started very early: don’t bite your nails; don’t speak loudly; don’t talk with food in your mouth; don’t sit with your legs apart (for girls); don’t whistle; don’t watch that show; don’t ask such questions; don’t go there; don’t talk to him/them/her; don’t drink out of the bottle; don’t do this, don’t do that; you get it, more don’ts than dos. I feel, each time they said “don’t”, a tiny wall was built and over the years, these walls turned into a huge fortress, and kids like me that ‘lived’ in them ended up becoming good boys and girls! The brats and ‘problem children’ who refused to “build these walls” or tore them down probably became the bad boys and girls of today!
So yes, good boys and girls are a delight to their parents and teachers. They are obedient, punctual, all set to follow a ‘life timetable’, and BORING! Of course they also stay out of all kinds of trouble! Ask me! Being one myself (or having been one), I always got good grades, did not pursue non-academic activities (even though I wanted to); never took a sip of alcohol, or stayed after college to “hang out” with buddies; I did not befriend anyone whose wasn’t in the top 5 in class (since I believed that others would distract me from my ‘goal’); never flirted with girls, you get it, GEEK ALERT! But did I not want to bunk class and go to a movie? Did I not want to party or chit chat with friends at the street corner for hours about nothing!? Did I not want to tell off a bully? Wear fashionable clothes and express myself to the fullest? Absolutely I did! I was screaming from within to get out of my robot-meek-geek avatar! It’s taken me 29 years to bring down some walls of my fortress/hide-out, there are many more to go!
Before I go any further, for ease of discussion, my definition of bad excludes murderers, mafia members, anti-social, unlawful, harmful elements of society! Having gotten that out of the way, I believe bad boys have all the fun. These are yesteryear brats who saw beyond the walls that parents and guardians built for them. They made mistakes, paid for it by way of umpteen detentions, fractures, injuries and bad grades; they had several run-ins with their own parents, parents of ex- girlfriends and the geeks they bullied, cops and hostel wardens! They experimented with hairstyles, clothes, sexuality, and careers; they traveled carelessly, drove recklessly and lived on the edge. They were popular, aspirational, and some even drop-outs from college. Basically, in a given period of time, they’d have lived a richer life in terms of experiences than their good counterparts.
So, we know who they are and why they are the way they are! But where are they now?
At work:
The good boys and girls may be well versed academically, but can they talk their way out of a sticky situation? Can they kick-ass at a high profile negotiation? Can they take dare-devil risks and boss people around like bullies do? Or do they hold themselves back to think before they speak, second guess themselves, and generally wait for others to take charge of a sticky situation? I think the lack of a “so what?” attitude makes them stick to a path of least resistance. They are great assets to any team, since questioning the authority and confrontation are not really their forte. In short, the high-flyers are usually the bad boys and girls!
In relationships:
There are hundreds of stereotypes in media and popular culture that almost mock the good boys and girls. While a lot of that might be for shock and awe value, there is still some truth to it. Inadvertently, we picture a bad boy in a leather jacket, riding a Ducati, with a hot chick in tow and a good boy wearing a buttoned up Allen Solly shirt with khaki pants and a pair of glasses sitting alone at a bar or a park bench eating lunch. If you were a single girl, who would you pick – Mr. Thrill or Mr. Buzz-kill? I think there is something to be said about confidence and self-esteem which the bad boys seem to have oodles of. The “Mills and Boon” addicted girls would obviously pick someone who, at least, has enough courage to ask them out. Girls usually have a sixth sense about a man’s confidence – they quickly sift the weaklings out.
Femme fatales Vs Femme pigtails
Good girls have it so much tougher; they grow up with far more rules. Even to this day, wearing lipstick is taboo in so many Indian families. Their sense of expression is largely curtailed from a young age and they grow up to be a woman ready to be herded into a life of pre-made choices and bad clothes. I am sure a lot of them would look at the bad girls and wonder ‘what if’ or secretly aspire to change their looks or shake things up.
Is it all so black and white? NO. I am just pointing out the large population that still is, this or that. Of course they cross over and more as a rule than an exception. Bad boys and girls shed their leather jackets for sports jackets and bikes for SUVs. They may alter their looks and lifestyle, but at their core, they will always be rebels. Good boys and girls, at some point literally blossom into very different people. Some of our high school friends are unrecognizable today and quite fabulously so!
This is by no means a “goodness” bashing rant! This is however a call to all my fellow good boys and girls who are hiding behind walls of right and proper and preventing themselves from living life to the fullest! Some even have misguided notions of obedience and sense of duty. So, speak up and speak out! Being good does not have to mean being a push-over. Renaissance took 300 years, but I bet if you start now, you could start bringing down those walls and relishing life, bad-boy style.
About the Author
Shyam Anandampillai Has Written 15 Articles For Us!
Shyam Pillai is, in his own words, an Engineer who crossed over to the colorful side of life; an artist, writer and actor trapped inside the body of a techie! He is a true-blue Bangalorean at heart and a yuppie Houstonian for now. He immensely enjoys movies, ALL kinds of movies – give him a Satyajit Ray with a side of David Dhawan and he’s a happy little camper. Besides acting in theater and working on short films, he enjoys writing about Movies – actors, reviews, fashion and a bit of tattle (didn’t hurt anyone!).Oh, and he is also a self-proclaimed relationship “expert” who likes to write about dating, finding, chasing, losing, and being in love! Carrie Bradshaw says,“When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking.” – he just threw it in there since he loves her so much! Shyam is a long standing NETIP member and a regular NETIP columnist for the Voice of Asia. He is also an avid traveler and dreams to backpack for a living, someday!
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